Off the Wall

So, I'm moving in approx. a week. It's a very surreal feeling- to be going about your daily routine with the thought in the back of your mind that its all going to be turned on its head soon.

I'm pretty much packed up, and all my worldly goods are in one room of the apartment. Carpets cleaned/vaccuumed, movers lined up, have my 4 furniture pieces for a huge rental house thats a miracle in and of itself.

Standing on the edge of leaving, you get to find out how people really feel about you, and I've been happy and surprised with what I've learned. One co-worker gave me a big hug today when we realized we wouldn't see each other next week before I left. (But it's okay - we're facebook friends). Another, one of the nurse practitioners, when I told her where my job would be, told me that I'd 'do really well there/do a good job'.

This weekend will be the last time I spend any substantial time in my hometown before moving. (I try not to think about this too much, because I'm a girl and often can be too sentimental, my imagination can get the better of me, and if I dwell, it is entirely possible I will cry).

I love my family very much and will miss them very much.

Jumpstart

It's amazing how a seemingly bad experience can yield good things.

I was sick, I was cold, I had received some news that made my heart hurt, I couldn't sleep--
and out of midst of the whirlwind, I received an awareness of the quiet, calming presence of God revealing honest truths and putting forth no-nonsense, yet loving questions to ponder. Conversation,tears,love--nights of pain and uncertainty on my end as I ever am being fitted to less of me, while clinging to trust and faith in God as I am stretched/formed into the best kind of myself.

Lately

-Working on vacations - one has a plane ticket bought, one probably will by the next weekend. I'm excited about doing some travelling.

-I hit my arm with the hatchback at the laundromat this morning. I'm gonna have a nice bruise.

-Have you ever been around anyone, and just the simple act of their presence brings you down? I've experienced that, and its just sad on many different levels.

Perspective

Today I was asked my first and last name for the roster, and my mom told the woman that I was her daughter. The woman said that I could've had a different last name, and my mom said,'not yet'.

The woman said, 'Congratulations'.

I said,'Um, thanks...."

then the woman says--Make sure you do it right the first time. Trust me--I'm on my FOURTH. I was with my first for 11 years, and there were times we were literally about to kill each other. No kidding - I held a pistol up to his head, and the only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was the idea of my son growing up with his only parent in a German prison. This one I've been with for 25 years, so....(grin)

Awake, Dream, Awake

I COULD NOT go to sleep last night
My mind was being too active
I'd turn toss toss turn
nothing
1:30

But I eventually DID fall asleep
because I dreamed, but somehow I knew it was a dream (?)
The President was visiting, and there was a receiving line
and in that line was various members of my family, with animals
a snake when to attack my dad, and he kicked it, and it flew at me, and I woke up
at 3 am

I got myself up about 7:30 to attempt to get me back on schedule

Faithful

Morning by Morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season, I watch Him, amazed,
in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

All I have need of
His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
in serving God only, and trusting His hand

All I have need of
His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful; He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end

All I have need of
His hand will provide
He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me

"He's always been faithful" Sara Groves

To wait is painful; it goes against the humanness of instant gratification.
I want to fidget, to squirm, to get my hands into things, probably to cause mischief...

But I am told to "BE STILL", to "WAIT ON THE LORD"
so I empty my pockets and my heart at the altar,
and try not to pick my things back up
(Empty hands can catch gifts better)
Regardless of what I am given
it will be The Best Thing
For He's always been faithful to me.

Really?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
If you smoke, stop - It's better for you, and makes less work for me.

I had a patient yesterday, has smoked for 60 years. Came into the hospital because she couldn't breathe. She kept trying to get outta bed by herself. Her blood count was low, so she needed blood, and it took MUCH convincing to get her to agree to it. Her breathing was so bad, we had to put her on a machine that forced air into her lungs and gave her anxiety medicine so she could tolerate it.

The lung doc asked-do you smoke?
yup
Gonna quit?
NOPE

THEN, the patient states - I don't know WHY I'm here
Lung doc says - well, you have pneumonia on top of your lung disease, and you have lung disease because of your smoking
pt- well, I'm not gonna quit smoking

I had to send her to the ICU at shift change last night....


EDIT:
I found out yesterday that this person was intubated that night, and died the next day.