Good Night

'Oh soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness to see?
There's light for a look at the Savior
And grace, more abundant and free!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace'

Small group went well. There were 3 of us, and we just got to share and relate. The more people that are around, the harder I find it to share and open up, so tonight was a more comfortable setting for me.

Another spoke

So today I found out my ex-boyfriend is engaged.
I guess it happened awhile ago...

...and I experienced an ache, so then I thought about WHY that happened.

It's not because of the persons involved (congrats to them, by the way), but a personal longing for a Godly relationship that would head to marriage. And while I knew great rational insights in my head about how marriage is not the be-all/end-all, at that time, my eyes were leaking.I do hold hope that some day I may date again. (Just another spoke in my Wheel of Patience!)

Favorite chapter

So I'm in a reading phase, and am re-reading "Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality" by Rob Bell, which I'm pretty sure is my favorite so far of his books, mainly because I have a favorite chapter in this book

Chapter six
'Worth Dying For'

It helps illuminate from another perspective the issue of 'submission' (in daily life and in marriage)in a way that is challenging and uplifting at the same time. I'd post my favorite part, but would basically just put up the whole chapter. It gives me hope...

It's been a weekend of crazy-rain @ night. It makes me thankful for the ability to pull my car into the garage. Church and lunch were good. I got to tell my story to some more people, which is always nice to do when there is the time to do it properly. I ended up taking a nap this afternoon - I fell asleep on the couch while watching 'Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium'.

NEON SIGN

"Pursue patience by waiting"

(it's amazing what you see when you're looking for it)

Today I saw lots of those signs, plus I have a new favorite verse--Zephaniah 3:17. It's chock-full of goodness, and my favorite part of it helped me sleep last night.


(The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing.)

So close, and yet so far

I've been attempting to dig in with both hands - to study and learn; read and comprehend.
Simple ideas, so profound as I roll them over in my mouth and mind.
I feel uncomfortable; pressure - a knowing that things aren't as they should be
until I cry out
My heart explodes as I hold it out
and ask for it to be reconstructed
again
The deepest parts are the darkest
in most need of the light
Sit to hear
best time ever spent
Help
and we will walk on
I cannot see and do not trust myself
but Your record is perfect
if I can remember
and hold tight
until all around is light

Married

So it's been a good weekend, and great day of community, even WITH getting sunburnt. I was going along, and going to scrape some wallpaper, then found a dead mouse under the sink.

I did a good girl freakout, and as I walked to the car to get the work gloves, I thought, "Man, I wish I were married."

Because besides the obvious (love,family,sex,etc), my mind is ever working in practicalities. I don't LIKE having to figure out how to dispose of a dead mouse, and if I were married, there would be someone there to provide AT LEAST the OPTION of me not having to do it. (I can do a lot of things; some times, though, it'd be nice to not necessarily do it all the time for myself). So far, my practical list contains: performing tick-check, killing spiders/insects, moving heavy things, decisions, snow removal (especially at 4 am!) and now mouse-disposal.

Off the Wall

So, I'm moving in approx. a week. It's a very surreal feeling- to be going about your daily routine with the thought in the back of your mind that its all going to be turned on its head soon.

I'm pretty much packed up, and all my worldly goods are in one room of the apartment. Carpets cleaned/vaccuumed, movers lined up, have my 4 furniture pieces for a huge rental house thats a miracle in and of itself.

Standing on the edge of leaving, you get to find out how people really feel about you, and I've been happy and surprised with what I've learned. One co-worker gave me a big hug today when we realized we wouldn't see each other next week before I left. (But it's okay - we're facebook friends). Another, one of the nurse practitioners, when I told her where my job would be, told me that I'd 'do really well there/do a good job'.

This weekend will be the last time I spend any substantial time in my hometown before moving. (I try not to think about this too much, because I'm a girl and often can be too sentimental, my imagination can get the better of me, and if I dwell, it is entirely possible I will cry).

I love my family very much and will miss them very much.