Came outside to see if I could catch a glimpse of some fireworks, but I'm too surrounded by trees, so I'm on the back porch with the cat, enjoying the sounds of the holiday.
Fireworks are one of those things that I don't completely understand (how chemicals can be packed in a certain way so as to create different colors and shapes in midair), and yet I enjoy them, in spite of the uncertainty.
On an unrelated note, I've been thinking for about the last 2 weeks or so that my relationship with God should be like my cat's relationship with me. I should seek God always, talk with him any time of the day or night, want to be as close as I can and not let him out of my sight, and depend on him as my lifeline. Thank you, Black Cat, for being my example, and for coming along on this journey known as Indiana.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Sometimes God makes me laugh, because that's all I can do. This week is the direct opposite of last week. This week, (so far) work has been an even keel. Sunday evening I was allowed access to a conversation that was unexpected and has been on my heart and mind ever since (so it's a GOOD thing that work has been fairly steady!). And then the laptop hard drive was overtaken by the blue screen of death (and I wept, only just partially about the computer, because THIS is really about THAT).
And on one of my drives up to work, thinking and attempting not to cry again over the conversation, the thought entered my mind that 'God never gives us more than we can handle', and out loud I said, "Oh, really. You think I can handle this? Well, I'm just giving it right back to you, because I don't want it and don't know what to do with it!"
I'm almost done with "Through Painted Deserts", and have started "Soul Cravings" by Edwin MacManus. Is it bad that I picked it up @ HalfPriceBooks because I liked the cover? Today I started it while in class, and read through a third of it after small group. That part was on love and people and God, and reminded me of C.S. Lewis :).
And on one of my drives up to work, thinking and attempting not to cry again over the conversation, the thought entered my mind that 'God never gives us more than we can handle', and out loud I said, "Oh, really. You think I can handle this? Well, I'm just giving it right back to you, because I don't want it and don't know what to do with it!"
I'm almost done with "Through Painted Deserts", and have started "Soul Cravings" by Edwin MacManus. Is it bad that I picked it up @ HalfPriceBooks because I liked the cover? Today I started it while in class, and read through a third of it after small group. That part was on love and people and God, and reminded me of C.S. Lewis :).
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Passage of the Day - "Through Painted Deserts"
"You know what I want in a woman, Paul?"
"What's that?"
" A friend. A true friend, someone who knows me and loves me anyway. You know, like when I'm through putting my best foot forward, she's still there, still the same. I meet these people and it's all conditional, like you were saying. They are in it for themselves. They are friends with you because you fit the image they want to portray. It's a selfish thing. Do you know what I mean? I'd like to get a girl who doesn't think like that. Don't get me wrong. She's got to be proud of her husband, I know that. I don't mind trying to make it easy on her in that way. But all in all, there's got to be some sort of soul mate thing going on. That's gonna take work, I think. There are some people in this world who love their spouse because they provide them with the life they want, and there are others who love their spouse because they've chosen to, or because love has chosen them, or whatever. Something way back endeared one to the other and they made a decision to lock into it."
A good day.
"What's that?"
" A friend. A true friend, someone who knows me and loves me anyway. You know, like when I'm through putting my best foot forward, she's still there, still the same. I meet these people and it's all conditional, like you were saying. They are in it for themselves. They are friends with you because you fit the image they want to portray. It's a selfish thing. Do you know what I mean? I'd like to get a girl who doesn't think like that. Don't get me wrong. She's got to be proud of her husband, I know that. I don't mind trying to make it easy on her in that way. But all in all, there's got to be some sort of soul mate thing going on. That's gonna take work, I think. There are some people in this world who love their spouse because they provide them with the life they want, and there are others who love their spouse because they've chosen to, or because love has chosen them, or whatever. Something way back endeared one to the other and they made a decision to lock into it."
A good day.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Timing
So I have this 3-in-1 of Donald Miller books. I bought it on sale, and I'd enjoyed 'Blue Like Jazz'. I had re-read that one, and 'Searching For God Knows What', but never got to the last book.
Warp speed ahead years, to the last couple weeks---
I'm in a reading phase, where I just grab whatever's on the shelves. I didn't think I'd read book 2 of 3, so I started, and while I realized after I began that I had, I decided to finish it.
And now i'm at book 3 - 'Through Painted Deserts'
and it's about leaving, and change....
"I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently..."
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
LEAVE.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will be changed." Donald Miller, 'Through Painted Deserts' (and THAT'S just the Author's Note @ the beginning!)
I've also been thinking about that verse in Zephaniah (3:17). In case you were wondering, my favorite part is "He will quiet you with his love", with the rest "He will rejoice over you with singing" being a close second. These parts are perfect. Life can become very hectic with many thoughts and background noise, and just to know God's love for me is so powerful and amazing that it can quiet my life, it DOES quiet my life as I sigh into the wave of love as it washes over me, again and again. The next part makes me think of a musical, where characters are so full of emotion that they burst into song. I'm pretty sure that if a PERSON sang to me, I'd be a puddle, so knowing that the God of the universe is so emotion-filled over me that He's bursting into song---I'm pretty much dumbfounded (aka "quieted with his love).
Warp speed ahead years, to the last couple weeks---
I'm in a reading phase, where I just grab whatever's on the shelves. I didn't think I'd read book 2 of 3, so I started, and while I realized after I began that I had, I decided to finish it.
And now i'm at book 3 - 'Through Painted Deserts'
and it's about leaving, and change....
"I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently..."
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
LEAVE.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will be changed." Donald Miller, 'Through Painted Deserts' (and THAT'S just the Author's Note @ the beginning!)
I've also been thinking about that verse in Zephaniah (3:17). In case you were wondering, my favorite part is "He will quiet you with his love", with the rest "He will rejoice over you with singing" being a close second. These parts are perfect. Life can become very hectic with many thoughts and background noise, and just to know God's love for me is so powerful and amazing that it can quiet my life, it DOES quiet my life as I sigh into the wave of love as it washes over me, again and again. The next part makes me think of a musical, where characters are so full of emotion that they burst into song. I'm pretty sure that if a PERSON sang to me, I'd be a puddle, so knowing that the God of the universe is so emotion-filled over me that He's bursting into song---I'm pretty much dumbfounded (aka "quieted with his love).
Friday, June 25, 2010
Musings on Joy
Because of a prior conversation, this week I've been thinking about joy, and the question of how one shares joy. Here are my thoughts on the subject...
Joy is an aspect of the fruit of the Spirit (listed at #2 of 9, seconded to love). It seems to be independent of situation; it's an underlying current within this life as waves of emotion dance on the surface, however it can interact with those emotions if remembered.
And that was the word that kept re-occurring this week: remember.
It can be very easy to 'go with the flow' of life and react to whatever happens - that is the way of the world. But as I go along, I need to remember - remember who I am (a daughter of the King), and of what Jesus has done for me. I need to remember that as I travel though this life, I am an ambassador and possess the joy of relationship with Christ and the gift of eternal life. I am to remember and to carry this with me so that as I interact with others, the joy of the Lord is able to be seen, no matter the situation.
Joy is an aspect of the fruit of the Spirit (listed at #2 of 9, seconded to love). It seems to be independent of situation; it's an underlying current within this life as waves of emotion dance on the surface, however it can interact with those emotions if remembered.
And that was the word that kept re-occurring this week: remember.
It can be very easy to 'go with the flow' of life and react to whatever happens - that is the way of the world. But as I go along, I need to remember - remember who I am (a daughter of the King), and of what Jesus has done for me. I need to remember that as I travel though this life, I am an ambassador and possess the joy of relationship with Christ and the gift of eternal life. I am to remember and to carry this with me so that as I interact with others, the joy of the Lord is able to be seen, no matter the situation.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
If you want me to
The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
and I don't know the reason why you brought me here
but just because you love me the way that you do
I will walk through the valley if you want me to
because I'm not who I was when I took my first step
and I'm clingin to the promise you're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
then I will go through the fire if you want me to
it may not be the way I would've chosen
when you lead me through a world that's not my home
but you never said it would be easy
you only said I'd never go alone
so when the whole world's turned against me and I'm all by myself
and I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through
and I'll go through the valley if you want me to
('If you want me to' by Ginny Owens)
It's been a hard day/afternoon. My raw edges of emotions have crept out. Just feeling disconnected and alone, more so than usual. (On the up side, my running to Jesus is getting faster). Right now, I'm trying to sit with it all. It's so hard, not knowing specifics, but if I did, would I have done it? I honestly can't say.
But God is good, and to that I cling. With all the uncertainties, HIS lovingkindness/grace/mercy/love is bedrock foundation.
Oh, God, help me to be faithful and to trust, even when I don't understand and my emotions run amok. Help me to be the person you're shaping me to be, and do what you need to for that to occur. PLEASE help me with cultivating patience. I want to be worthy of your best when it is provided to me. Provide me with opportunities to show the world the joy that is found within a relationship with you. Help me with my interactions with others.
Happy Father's Day to the perfect Father of all. Thank you.
In Jesus' name, Amen
and I don't know the reason why you brought me here
but just because you love me the way that you do
I will walk through the valley if you want me to
because I'm not who I was when I took my first step
and I'm clingin to the promise you're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
then I will go through the fire if you want me to
it may not be the way I would've chosen
when you lead me through a world that's not my home
but you never said it would be easy
you only said I'd never go alone
so when the whole world's turned against me and I'm all by myself
and I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through
and I'll go through the valley if you want me to
('If you want me to' by Ginny Owens)
It's been a hard day/afternoon. My raw edges of emotions have crept out. Just feeling disconnected and alone, more so than usual. (On the up side, my running to Jesus is getting faster). Right now, I'm trying to sit with it all. It's so hard, not knowing specifics, but if I did, would I have done it? I honestly can't say.
But God is good, and to that I cling. With all the uncertainties, HIS lovingkindness/grace/mercy/love is bedrock foundation.
Oh, God, help me to be faithful and to trust, even when I don't understand and my emotions run amok. Help me to be the person you're shaping me to be, and do what you need to for that to occur. PLEASE help me with cultivating patience. I want to be worthy of your best when it is provided to me. Provide me with opportunities to show the world the joy that is found within a relationship with you. Help me with my interactions with others.
Happy Father's Day to the perfect Father of all. Thank you.
In Jesus' name, Amen
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