Self

I generally seem to fluctuate between being Type A, and laid-back/easygoing. This week I seemed to experience a "now what?/WHY?" meltdown, just feeling many emotions from stressors that had slowly accumulated until there was an implosion.

I hate waiting, and I hate not knowing what other people are thinking/feeling/going to do.

God, help sustain me. Please help me to "keep my eyes on my own test", because it's SO easy to want to compare things to others, when I'm supposed to be ME in all this, as this is how I'm made. Help me to be content, and for others to appreciate me as well. You know my deepest struggles and desires, and You love me anyway. May I ever cling to You. God, help me with my interactions with those around me, and let it all be good.

I'm a jumbled girl-mess today

of emotions and expectations.

I could do with a nice, long hug.

(As it is, I guess the electric blanket will have to do...)


EDIT


...He soothes my doubts and calms my fears
and He dries all my tears...

Thanks, God.

Today

Today is proof that God has a sense of humor...

:|

What a week...

travelled, stayed with kids,
had to work on Thursday night - had a patient who wasn't great, but had gotten better since the last time I'd cared for him (off the vent)---
only to come in on Friday night and find that he'd died about an hour before I got there.

Unexpected, and yet not - I didn't see it coming.
That was the night that I sent another lady to hospice (for dying), then took this man's lines and tubes out, and bathed him, and put him in 'the bag'...

and then I took 2 new patients, one of which told me @ 4 am that I 'wasn't doing anything' and yelled at me...

I had a conversation with someone, and just have a BAD FEELING about it---the last time I had a bad feeling like this was the idea of voting for Obama :)...

It's been a workweek of sore body, and next week I have to drive to Indy every day for work-related stuff...


But PRAISE GOD!

Church was fantastic. Even in my slower state, I could tell God was there. The message was needed, and each song was perfect for its time.

I was able to weep for Tom (my patient who died - i always cry for my patients that die) at the best time, talk a little about my weariness, get prayer and hugs---something I really do miss.

I woke up about 30 minutes ago, and think I'm going to go treat myself to dinner out, as I haven't eaten since 1 AM, and why not? :)

Twilight

I'm indulging the teenage-girl part of myself and watching the Twilight movies I borrowed from my family members. I HATED the books, but the movies are better than the books, I think - a rare thing, although that's not saying much for the quality of either!

I think Bella's pretty annoying, and I never understood why all these guys were interested in her. I also think she should've chosen Jacob, but I've always had a soft spot for the 'best friend/good guy' vs the leading man (although they sorta explain it all away in the last book - which is horrible and ultra-creepy,overall).

Visit

I think I'm ready to go home now.
Nothing's bad; I'm just ready to go back to Indiana.

:)

2.5 more days...

Lovely day

So yesterday got sad

and then I went to work, to a potentially bad pair, that turned out alright (thanks to haldol!).

It was a pitch-in night, and I'd actually remembered to bring food. @ 10:45 pm I was asked if I'd want to go home early @ 11. I put my name into the drawing and I GOT IT! I was relieved by midnight, and was able to read an encouraging text related to the earlier sadness.

I got 9 hours of sleep (!!!!), woke up to a curly, curly, crazy head of hair :), and am pretty much packed for my trip.

Thank you, God, for all the good things you give to me.