What a week...

travelled, stayed with kids,
had to work on Thursday night - had a patient who wasn't great, but had gotten better since the last time I'd cared for him (off the vent)---
only to come in on Friday night and find that he'd died about an hour before I got there.

Unexpected, and yet not - I didn't see it coming.
That was the night that I sent another lady to hospice (for dying), then took this man's lines and tubes out, and bathed him, and put him in 'the bag'...

and then I took 2 new patients, one of which told me @ 4 am that I 'wasn't doing anything' and yelled at me...

I had a conversation with someone, and just have a BAD FEELING about it---the last time I had a bad feeling like this was the idea of voting for Obama :)...

It's been a workweek of sore body, and next week I have to drive to Indy every day for work-related stuff...


But PRAISE GOD!

Church was fantastic. Even in my slower state, I could tell God was there. The message was needed, and each song was perfect for its time.

I was able to weep for Tom (my patient who died - i always cry for my patients that die) at the best time, talk a little about my weariness, get prayer and hugs---something I really do miss.

I woke up about 30 minutes ago, and think I'm going to go treat myself to dinner out, as I haven't eaten since 1 AM, and why not? :)

Twilight

I'm indulging the teenage-girl part of myself and watching the Twilight movies I borrowed from my family members. I HATED the books, but the movies are better than the books, I think - a rare thing, although that's not saying much for the quality of either!

I think Bella's pretty annoying, and I never understood why all these guys were interested in her. I also think she should've chosen Jacob, but I've always had a soft spot for the 'best friend/good guy' vs the leading man (although they sorta explain it all away in the last book - which is horrible and ultra-creepy,overall).

Visit

I think I'm ready to go home now.
Nothing's bad; I'm just ready to go back to Indiana.

:)

2.5 more days...

Lovely day

So yesterday got sad

and then I went to work, to a potentially bad pair, that turned out alright (thanks to haldol!).

It was a pitch-in night, and I'd actually remembered to bring food. @ 10:45 pm I was asked if I'd want to go home early @ 11. I put my name into the drawing and I GOT IT! I was relieved by midnight, and was able to read an encouraging text related to the earlier sadness.

I got 9 hours of sleep (!!!!), woke up to a curly, curly, crazy head of hair :), and am pretty much packed for my trip.

Thank you, God, for all the good things you give to me.

A cry, revisited

And God responds:

with a meal
and Johnny Diaz's "Waiting room
and Matthew West's set
and a sweaty hug from a good friend

I wonder how many times someone can cry in one day?

A cry

God, I hate that in the midst of a celebration, that I had to leave because I was so overcome with sadness. I'm such a fake. I don't want to be strong any more. I hate being alone. Why do I have to be alone? It hurts so much. Why do I have to keep waiting, and not knowing? It hurts so much. I hate it. Please just help me. I don't know what to do. Please help...

Disappointed

...that's what can happen when communication isn't the best. I really tried, but it went down from there. I didn't know what was going to happen, because although I asked, you never told me, and although you knew logistics, you were indecisive, and I know that I was being sensitive to things and actions, and being nit-picky, and thinking about all the things that NEEDED to be done, rather than this. I think there was an unsure-ness on both our parts, that helped nothing.

God, help me with my disappointment. Let's get to the bottom of it, although I really don't want to...