Sunday, December 20, 2009


Today I was asked my first and last name for the roster, and my mom told the woman that I was her daughter. The woman said that I could've had a different last name, and my mom said,'not yet'.

The woman said, 'Congratulations'.

I said,'Um, thanks...."

then the woman says--Make sure you do it right the first time. Trust me--I'm on my FOURTH. I was with my first for 11 years, and there were times we were literally about to kill each other. No kidding - I held a pistol up to his head, and the only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was the idea of my son growing up with his only parent in a German prison. This one I've been with for 25 years, so....(grin)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Awake, Dream, Awake

I COULD NOT go to sleep last night
My mind was being too active
I'd turn toss toss turn

But I eventually DID fall asleep
because I dreamed, but somehow I knew it was a dream (?)
The President was visiting, and there was a receiving line
and in that line was various members of my family, with animals
a snake when to attack my dad, and he kicked it, and it flew at me, and I woke up
at 3 am

I got myself up about 7:30 to attempt to get me back on schedule

Friday, December 4, 2009


Morning by Morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season, I watch Him, amazed,
in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

All I have need of
His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
in serving God only, and trusting His hand

All I have need of
His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful; He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end

All I have need of
His hand will provide
He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me

"He's always been faithful" Sara Groves

To wait is painful; it goes against the humanness of instant gratification.
I want to fidget, to squirm, to get my hands into things, probably to cause mischief...

But I am told to "BE STILL", to "WAIT ON THE LORD"
so I empty my pockets and my heart at the altar,
and try not to pick my things back up
(Empty hands can catch gifts better)
Regardless of what I am given
it will be The Best Thing
For He's always been faithful to me.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


If you smoke, stop - It's better for you, and makes less work for me.

I had a patient yesterday, has smoked for 60 years. Came into the hospital because she couldn't breathe. She kept trying to get outta bed by herself. Her blood count was low, so she needed blood, and it took MUCH convincing to get her to agree to it. Her breathing was so bad, we had to put her on a machine that forced air into her lungs and gave her anxiety medicine so she could tolerate it.

The lung doc asked-do you smoke?
Gonna quit?

THEN, the patient states - I don't know WHY I'm here
Lung doc says - well, you have pneumonia on top of your lung disease, and you have lung disease because of your smoking
pt- well, I'm not gonna quit smoking

I had to send her to the ICU at shift change last night....

I found out yesterday that this person was intubated that night, and died the next day.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Good day

Yesterday was a good day, even as the day got crazy at points. I had a little lady who was 92 and hard of hearing - to talk to her, I'd end up putting my forehead to hers, and yell into her "good ear". At shift change, I went in to say goodbye. She gripped my hand - "is it time for you to go home?"--I told her it was; "will you be back in the morning?"--I told her that no, I wouldn't be; that she'd have to train a new nurse; "I LOVED having you today. You were SO good to me"

Apparently, it was my orientee's last day on orientation, so she decided to take me out as a 'thank-you' for being her preceptor. We went for food, where we both got drinks, and I tasted my 1st-ever 'fru-fru' drink, and the waiter was ....smarmy. We talked quite a bit, and had planned on seeing a late movie, but didn't buy tickets beforehand, and it was sold out by the time we got there. We decided to rain-check the movie, and I came home.

I came up the stairs to the main floor and got my mail out of the box---I received a thank you from my brother and newest SIL--only 4 months since their wedding! I laughed and went up the stairs to my apartment, and an envelope was laying against my door.

More mail!


It was a good day.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

God provides.

At church, a lady asked if I was moving. I haven't told anyone apart from the usual suspects about Indiana, so I thought she was meaning to KC and as I stammered along, she says,"Indiana?" and I'm stopped-

because she's in the folk's Sunday School class, which means it's been brought up.

and how do I explain-that I'm currently treading water/waiting/wanting?

"Not yet"

Thursday, November 12, 2009


Today has been a lonely day. My heart aches more today and I've been more apt to cry. God sits with me as my unspoken longings pour out - things beyond the best and worst words; the things I want and need; the things that He has put there, and also what I've tried to turn them into.

Friday, November 6, 2009


I had a pretty good day at work, overall. No discharges or admits, so the paperwork was at a minimum. I DID have one patient that would....expose...(ahem!) himself... while in the presence of certain staff members. I had to accompany others into the room because he wouldn't do it if I was there.

(and then he DID, later in the day, but he apologized to me for it).

And then I had a cute little, slightly confused lady. It was towards the end of my day, and she said she was "lonesome", so I talked with her and held her hand. She told me that she had a son that was her world, and he died. And thus began the following conversation:

Her: Do you have any kids?
Me: no
Her: WHY NOT?!
Me: well, I'm not married
Her: oh, well, that makes sense...
Her: have you EVER been married?
Me: no
Her: WHY NOT?!
Me: (trying not to laugh) um, I guess I haven't met the right person yet...
Her: Why, you're a good-lookin' woman!
Me: ummm, thanks
(and then I change the subject, and leave the room, but come back and make sure she can get to her water)
Her: well, if I couldn't reach it, I'd just call you---What's your name?
Me: (tell her my first name)
Her: OH! that's pretty! I like that!
Me: thank you
Her: What's your last name?
Me: (and then I tell her that)
(pause as she says it under her breath, and says both names together)
Her: Well, THAT'S a HELLUVA name!
Me: yes, it IS a helluva name.
(pause as I walk around the bed to chart at the computer)
Her: Are you EVER gonna have kids?
Me: uh, I don't know
Her: Well, I'm gonna find you a man
Me: alright, you go ahead and do that....

(and, SCENE)

Monday, November 2, 2009


Last night was dinner out and visiting for plan-making. Today centered around the entertaining of 2 young ladies and not falling asleep. I'm not sure why I've been so sleepy, since I'm sleeping like a ROCK in an actual bed, and the "time zone change/time change" put me back into my normal Central Standard Time.

Tonight was a "3-legged date" and I felt like the phantom limb.

(that could use more explanation, but that's just a great sentence, so I'm gonna leave it alone for now).

Tomorrow is looming, and while I'm somewhat nervous, it's not too bad yet.

God, put me where I need to be for Your work. You know what will happen, so help me to trust in that. No matter what happens, good will out.

and now, to attempt sleep...

Sunday, November 1, 2009


I made the drive yesterday, and there were a few times I thought perhaps I'd woken up too early, and I considered pulling over for a nap, but then the sun came up and I did not die (thanks to God and caffeine). I arrived in the afternoon and then spent the rest of the Halloween day with friends, talking about all manners of bodily functions and embarrassing things (as such you can do with good friends). 4 friends went to 3 bookstores, had 2 meals (a "lunch"/pre-dinner dinner, and dinner), and watched 1 amazingly tragic/hysterical movie.

Today after church a group of us had Chinese (a traditional meal we each each visit), where I spilled onto the floor (also a tradition). The afternoon held a nap and watching Daniel go on a business trip.

(more later)

Monday, October 12, 2009

A reminder

I stumbled across an old friend's Facebook page, and actually took the time to read his 'info' section, and was happily reminded ...

...that I HAVE put my "YES" on the table, and that I am to do what is possible, and let God take care of the impossible. My God is bigger than everything I can imagine (since He's the one that gave the brain to imagine with~!), and it will all work out.

(Yo Baby Yo! - Thanks Rob Man)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

A new pain...

Looked at jobs....


I think I'll wait.

Neti Pot

I used a neti pot for the first time today. It made me want to curse. Amazing, that a little blue pot can re-create the feeling of getting your head dunked in salt water. My eyes watered, my nose ran and ran, and I spit forever---and yet, my head is clear.

(I guess I'll try it again later)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

In Pursuit of Patience

How much longer? I put up bills into the outbox, assuming I received no mail this morning, only to find them gone when I returned from work this evening. The mailbox permitted a baby shower invitation and a piece of junk mail. I have told the story so much so that I can't remember who knows and who doesn't. And then there are the quiet things, that I think about often but don't say yet, because ascribing words outloud to the situation makes it real, so it stays put within my head for now, and we shall see if it makes it to reality.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


This has become the most exciting thing of my day - to see what's in the mail. Now, I've always LOVED receiving mail, but it's been kicked up a notch. I'm waiting for a particular piece. As I drove home from work last night, I wondered if TODAY WAS THE DAY--and oscillated between excitement and fear, because once that mail arrives, things will become real. The next step will be achieved - and I'll again have to 'put up or shut up', put out my trust, and prepare for the NEXT step.