Saturday, February 26, 2011


Friday morning I was attempting to 'flip' back to living days, when I got a text @ 6 am. Even for normal day-living people, you don't, generally, receive texts/calls/etc. at that time unless you KNOW the person is already awake.

(so I was a little irritated)

and then I read it, and I decided at that moment that I just needed to be DONE.

Two people, both of whom are friends, have slowly worked me into the middle, and if experience has taught us anything, it's that I DON'T LIKE BEING PUT IN THE MIDDLE! It's SO much better overall to just be the same (as much as possible) with everyone; that's the easiest, and I'm a lazy person that way.

I feel like I have to work SO HARD at this, and it's getting more and more frustrating - I just want to SHAKE 'em!

(as it is, I think I'm just going to have to bow out, as best I can)

Thursday, February 24, 2011


Apart from wearing new shoes and having INCREDIBLY sore feet last night, it turned out to be a good end to the work week. I received my 1st fresh surgical transplant patient (double lung), and he was incredibly stable (as fresh post-op patients go). This morning I spent about 90 minutes talking with a friend from work, starting from the hwy infront of the hospital, to 30 minutes sitting in the Burger King parking lot, waiting to be done so I could get food. She is a new nurse, and was feeling stress and concern over things that had happened that night, and she called me to 'talk her down' and to provide some perspective. I was honored that she felt comfortable enough with me to come to me, and that she saw me as a resource that way.

I need to go run an errand, but am seriously considering going back to sleep.

Mom's going to be arriving for a visit on Saturday. I need to do some cleaning between now and then. We will see how it all goes...

Friday, February 18, 2011


So, granted, I DID stay up later than expected last night and watched some episodes of 'Bones', but I slept IN, and then woke up enough to decide to go straight into a nap. I still am feeling yucky, but I guess I at least needed all that sleep to counteract my days of 4 hours this week. I am also fighting my over-developed sense of guilt, which is screaming at me that I need to get up and clean, so that my house will be 'presentable' when my mom comes for a visit, or to work on the many paperwork things needing done on my list. Stupid thing - sometimes 'no' is the right answer, and it's okay. If anyone would ever visit my house, then it would be someone who loves me enough to visit, and they'd deal with my 'mess'.

ANYWAY, so I had this dream. I was in the middle of nowhere, and the road turned into a driveway, so I'd pulled my car off to the side and gotten out. There was a huge estate house, with a large stone covered walkway that led from the road up to the house. I start making my way up the walkway, and notice that it's all covered in a very thin layer of insulation, or something of that nature (cotton candy?) - something made of pink, whispy strands. I become more deliberate about where I place my feet, as insulation can be scratchy and cotton candy can be sticky. About halfway up the walkway, I hear a noise, and look back at the road. A combine is coming up the road, and turns into the dirt driveway. I duck down behind a pillar, as I am trespassing and would rather NOT be seen, but then realize that whomever was in the combine probably saw my  empty car on the road.

I look up, and there's a small building infront of me, and I go in. It's a mudroom of sorts, with a set of laundry machines and a large broken aquarium along the far wall. As I am taking in the view, a person walks in - honestly, I couldn't tell you of what gender, but as this person is talking, 5 or 6 others slowly trickle into the small room. No one is angry or upset that I am there. The first person is telling me about the house and the lands, and then starts telling me about how the aquarium got broken, and how the many, many eels that lived in there occasionally come out into the room. I look around, and I see the dead eyes of 2 eels as they are somehow able to cruise through the air as they do in water, getting close to my sandalled feet. I try not to react as they skim over my body, finally attaching to my right hand - one to the outside, and one to the wrist. All the people in the room are giving me advice on how to detach the eels. I am able to remove the one from the outside of my hand - PAINFULLY, as these eels have pointy, razor sharp teeth. I finally get the other eel from my wrist, and it hit an artery. I try to hold pressure with my left hand, but can't get it well enough. I yell at one of the guys to come over and hold pressure. 'I want you to make my fingers go white' I tell him. He does worse than I did, so I wave him away, and  attempt to hold pressure again, but this time am successful to at least slow the bleeding...

And then I wake up.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Happy Valentine's Day! It was halfway decent weather here. I got to think about love, and had my current favorite thing for dinner tonight before I soon leave for work. I cried in the car, hearing a song on the radio (happy tears).

Love is knowing a person, and loving them anyway. I am encouraged by the people around me that are in loving marriages, and it gives me hope for the future.