Titanic Perspective

I took myself out to see Titanic 3D tonight. I think I saw in in the theater when I was around 15.
Some things I remembered --the dialog was fairly flat, and I didn't much care for the love story.
Some things I didn't --like I didn't remember how much cursing was in it.

I DO have to admit that I did cry, which shows how 15 years can change a person.

As every person fell, I flinched, my body feeling the imaginary shocks, and my nurse brain trying to imagine what happened to them. Seeing a real individual person die is awe-filled, horrible, miraculous thing, and I've seen many, and to watch so many people die on screen, and to know that it REALLY HAPPENED--it was just too much for me.

And so I cry...

Multiplication within - little things become big, and open doors for other things, and while they may be good things in general, the pain of their beauty is just too much right now, and they strain against the edges, making it so that if another word, another look happens, I'll cry.

and I cry, and the walls fall - those stupid things holding in all the wants and desires I don't share - I can't share with anyone besides God, because its been hard enough, giving them to Him, while REALLY wanting them, but wanting what God wants more, even if my things DIE in the process.

and I cry,

because I've seen death,

and I see it often.

To be alive, and have a part of you die...

I know He knows best, and I trust in Him, but having a thorn in my side can often be too much for me, although I can put on a good face.

and I cry.


Habakkuk 3
¹⁷ Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,^[e]
able to tread upon the heights.

How Time Flies...

...has it really been that long since I last posted? I've thought about posts, as if the mere fleeting thought of wanting to visit this place and make my mark would cause it to occur. Busy...with STUFF-important, not important,life,death, and the dash in between. And yet, here I sit, surrounded in my busy-ness, just taking a moment, to make an appearance - to say, I REMEMBER YOU.