'If I Stand' and "Hold Me, Jesus"--Rich Mullins

'There's more that rises in the morning than the sun
and more that shines in the night than the moon
It's more than this fire here that keeps me warm
in a shelter that is larger than this room

and there's a loyalty that's deeper than mere sentiment
and a music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of All Good Things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise You will pull me though
and if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you
If I sing, let me sing for the joy that has borne in me these songs
and if I weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home

There's more that dances on the prairies than the wind
and more that pulses in the ocean than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's, when her baby's at her side

and there's a loyalty that's deeper than mere sentiment
and music higher than the songs that I can sing
The stuff of earth competes for the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver of All Good Things

So if I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me though
and if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
and if I sing, let me sing for the joy that has borne in me these songs
and if I weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home."







"Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big, and my faith just seems so small

So hold me, Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf
You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace?

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
it's so hot inside my soul, I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me, Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf
You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace?

Surrender don't come natural to me.
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
than to take what You have that I need.
and I beat my head against so many walls
I'm fallin' down, I'm fallin' on my knees...

And the Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
and Your grace rings out so deep, it makes my resistance seem so thin

So hold me, Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf
You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace

I'm singin', Hold me, Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf
You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace
You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace

Passage

Psalm 138:3 (NKJV)

In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me BOLD with strength in my soul.

(THIS is my verse for the week---

BOLD
1.not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring.

2.not hesitating to break the rules of propriety;forward; impudent.

3.necessitating courage and daring; challenging.

4.beyond the usual limits of conventional thought or action; imaginative

5.striking or conspicuous to the eye; flashy; showy

6. steep;abrupt

7. nautical.deep enough to be navigable close to the shore.

8.printing. type set in boldface

9. obsolete.trusting; assured.

The Fellowship of the Ring

Just finished watching this movie. I began it earlier in the week after not seeing it for such a time.

I really do love and identify with the character of Sam - just the loyalty, love, care and faith he displays.

It's just a great movie series.

(and now, off to do some more painting!)

Recent 'Waking The Dead' Quotes

'The more that wisdom enters our hearts, the more we will be able to trust our hearts in difficult situations.'

'We don't seek wisdom because it's a good idea; we seek wisdom because we're dead if we don't.'

'There's more that Jesus wants to say to you, much more, and now that his Spirit resides in your heart, the conversation can continue. Many good people never hear God speak to them personally for the simple fact that they've never been told that he does.'

He heals up the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

A Fearsome Creature to Behold

So, I am in the process of reading John Eldredge's 'Waking The Dead', and got to the part where John is in the wilderness, encountering God and asking about his 'true name' - the name God has for his true self.

And so, just off-hand, I ask God what mine is.

Today, I've been having in-depth texting conversations; I'm pretty sure I've been ignoring people around me. I just felt like I need to interact with these two people.

And one called me the words in the title, and I almost cried.

(I don't know if it's my 'true name', but I will happily take that as my title :) )

In case you were wondering,

there's nothing on tv at 5:30 am on a Saturday in Indiana.

:(

7/14

IKEA

I finally went.

I want to live there.

It was visually overwhelming.

It was an interesting trip, because I spent one-on-one time with another for the first time ---I thought it went well.

The seen and the unseen

This morning my work day of orientation classes was later, so I was looking forward to sleeping in until 6. At 5 am, I awake to the sound of the small bell on the cat's collar just FREAKING out, ringing like mad. I tell the cat to be quiet; to lay down. I wing a stuffed animal and pillow in her general direction, all the while moaning how I'm losing my lie-in. The noise finally stops, and I roll over.

I get out of bed at 6, and right behind where my head is on the bed, where the cat was making a ruckus, is a dead mouse.

My morning was spent between freaking that another mouse was in the house, and profusely apologizing and thanking the cat.

And then I started the book, 'Waking the Dead' by John Eldredge, today at lunch, and just laughed. It talks about the seen and the unseen; stepping out of the everyday life and into the extraordinary; myth and the bigger picture; an ongoing struggle....

When I get to see how it all gets tied in, I can't help but smile.



(Still could use some prayer, please)

I'm pretty sure God is amazing...

...because this afternoon I was feeling my alone-ness, and today I have been provided people to interact with, and while 'alone' may have its moments of suck, I will never fully be alone unless I do it to myself.

Thank you, God, for these wonderful folk of yours. Their care for me touches me more than words can say. Help provide times to cultivate deeper relationships as we travel along. Stretch me beyond myself, and hold my heart ever always.

Time to think

I don't know.
I know my thoughts, and I see things, yet others show whole worlds--Did I just not see?
Or just not know?
(I don't know)
I am not quite sure which parts are real
or how long to wait
something will happen-
either the explosion of a firecracker
or the slowburn of a sparkler until it gradually dies out
I don't know which
but either way, am concerned for my hands.
My only decision is how to turn away
so that regardless of the outcome
I'll be able to find some pleasure as whatever happens, happens



(It's time to go back to work. Hospitals are great for putting life and concerns into perspective. I'm glad that God knows me, and knows best).

Listener and 'Soul Cravings'

Went to experience Listener tonight.
Good stuff.

Then bought stuff,helped pack up, and ate food with them and Columbus friends.
(I would be friends with them--aka my best compliment to give out---They are awkward and quick).

So I finally finished 'Soul Cravings' by Erwin Raphael McManus. It was an interesting book, split mainly between the topics of love and purpose. The purpose section (the back half) had a couple deep puddles for my mind to wade thru, and I might have to come back and chew on that more later.

I'm going to put up some stuff from the love section:

Entry #11: Chased by Love (Please Don't Run Too Fast)

In Chasing Daylight, I describe a time when a team of us were in the Middle East. I had been invited to speak to a group of Muslims, specifically about the history of Christianity. Pressed by my translator to answer a question that I had somewhat evaded, I was left with nowhere to go but to talk more specifically and personally about Jesus. I had been discribing to them my own sense of disappointment with and even distain of the religion of Christianity. They all quickly agreed that as a religion, there were deep problems and inconsistencies between beliefs and practices.

But eventually they wanted to know what exactly was the meaning behind the coming of Jesus. Somewhat apprehensively I began my best effort to translate back into a Middle Eastern context the story of Jesus (after all, this was Jesus' home turf) and, more specifically, why it would be necessary for God to become human. This, from my vantage point, was the story of God. It's a love story, by the way.

"I once met a girl named Kim."

My translator looked at me, confused. I'm sure he was wracking his brain, trying to remember some biblical character named Kim. He stopped translating and just looked at me. I encouraged him to simply translate.

"I once met a girl named Kim, and I fell in love."

I continued, "I pursued her with my love and pursued her with my love until I felt my love had captured her heart. So I asked her to be my wife, and she said no." I could feel their empathy, if not their pity.

"I was unrelenting and asked her again, pursuing her with my love, and I pursued her with my love until she said yes."

There was a huge relief thoughout the entire room.
I went on. "I did not send my brother, nor did I send a friend. For in the issues of love, you must go yourself."

"This is the story of God: he pursues you with his love and pursues you with his love, and you have perhaps not said yes. And even if you reject his love, he pursues you ever still. It was not enough to send an angel or a prophet or any other, for in the issues of love, you must go yourself. And so God has come.

This is the story of Jesus, that God has walked among us and he pursues us with his love. He is very familiar with rejection but is undeterred. And he is here even now, still pursuing you with his love."

The images we often receive of Muslims are that they're angry, hostile, and violent people. I can tell you that in this moment I knew there was something transcendent that connected all of our hearts and souls together. A belieft that was supposed to divide us strangely united us, and I feel most certain that I know why. Every human being longs for love. The possibility that God is love is an almost overwhelming prospect.

In that moment the story of Jesus was not about who is right and who is wrong, what God's name is and who is prophet is, but what exactly God's motivation toward humanity is. If the message that God wants to get across to us is just about getting our beliefs right, then he didn't need to come himself. If God's entire intent was to clarify right from wrong, no personal visitation was necessary. If the ultimate end was simply to overwhelm us with the miraculous so that we would finally believe, then even God taking on flesh and blood and walk among us was far from necessary.

There is only one reason for God to come himself, because in issues of love, you just can't have someone else stand in for you.

When it comes to love, it has to be fact-to-face. There has to be contact. Love cannot exist where there is only distance. Love can survive distance, but only by the strength of what comes through intimacy.

Like Solomon's love, God is going up and down the streets of the city, traveling the most obscure paths and untamed wilderness, walking on unnamed roads in the the most desolate of places, searching for the one he loves --and that one is you and me and every human being who has ever walked this earth, has taken a breath, and has longed for love.

Religion exists not because God loves too little, but because we need love so much. In the end all religions misrepresent God. They either dictate requirements for love or simply become a requiem for love. I think many of us have rightly given up on God on this basis alone. We've been told that God is a reluctant lover and that his standards must be met before there can be any talk of love. This is lunacy. Love exists because God is love. Our souls will never find satisfaction until our hearts have found this love that we so desperately yearn for.

God is not passive, for love is never passive, but always passionate; and passion always leads to action




The book also touched on the topic of community, which I'm slowly working back into, and since it also got mentioned tonight, I notice it's on the TO DO list :)

Next book is 'The Book of Romance' by Tommy Nelson. I found this book today @ HalfPrice Books. We did Tommy's Song of Solomon video study thru the BSU in college, and it was very illuminating. I got the book because I would like to be refreshed on the topic, and because I am a girl, and while I may not have it oozing from the pores, I am a romantic at heart. As a single, it's encouraging to me to read about actual relationships, interactions, and theories within a biblical framework, rather than just romance novel crap, where I'd just get wound up and frustrated.

(It's my 2nd night this week of being up this late ---I should probably go to bed, as I have a church meeting tomorrow morning. Goodnight!)

Good stuff

I'm shocked I'm still coherent. I got between 3.5 and 4 hours of sleep this morning, yet woke (dare I say refreshed!), and grinning, and worked 12 hours relatively chipper!

(and I'm still awake, but not for too much longer)

I don't know what it has been about Indiana that creates change for me - Even before I moved here, visits would be amazing/awful/revealing/true/defining,etc., and I remember thinking - 'and how much MORE will that be when I'm actually living there!' I'm not sure if I'm more open, or just being in an 'other' place makes me more aware, or what.

God, Thank you for your Good things. Help me to keep looking for them, wherever you may put them.

3rd of July

Came outside to see if I could catch a glimpse of some fireworks, but I'm too surrounded by trees, so I'm on the back porch with the cat, enjoying the sounds of the holiday.

Fireworks are one of those things that I don't completely understand (how chemicals can be packed in a certain way so as to create different colors and shapes in midair), and yet I enjoy them, in spite of the uncertainty.



On an unrelated note, I've been thinking for about the last 2 weeks or so that my relationship with God should be like my cat's relationship with me. I should seek God always, talk with him any time of the day or night, want to be as close as I can and not let him out of my sight, and depend on him as my lifeline. Thank you, Black Cat, for being my example, and for coming along on this journey known as Indiana.

Sometimes God makes me laugh, because that's all I can do. This week is the direct opposite of last week. This week, (so far) work has been an even keel. Sunday evening I was allowed access to a conversation that was unexpected and has been on my heart and mind ever since (so it's a GOOD thing that work has been fairly steady!). And then the laptop hard drive was overtaken by the blue screen of death (and I wept, only just partially about the computer, because THIS is really about THAT).

And on one of my drives up to work, thinking and attempting not to cry again over the conversation, the thought entered my mind that 'God never gives us more than we can handle', and out loud I said, "Oh, really. You think I can handle this? Well, I'm just giving it right back to you, because I don't want it and don't know what to do with it!"

I'm almost done with "Through Painted Deserts", and have started "Soul Cravings" by Edwin MacManus. Is it bad that I picked it up @ HalfPriceBooks because I liked the cover? Today I started it while in class, and read through a third of it after small group. That part was on love and people and God, and reminded me of C.S. Lewis :).